Anxiety

Do you ever feel weak? Do you ever feel like one side of your body just isn’t responding the way it should, although it does everything you need to? Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, floating in the wind?

But, seriously. I’ve noticed over the past few years that every once in a while, I’ll get this feeling. I’ll feel like my left arm and left leg are week and can’t do things, although, physically they perform just fine. I have that feeling right now and my typing is relatively unhindered. Sometimes I would wear a jacket and it would go away. Sometimes only a nap helped. It’s been a long time since that feeling had invaded, but today it came back, and it scared me.

There’s a history of heart disease in my family. My father has suffered two heart attacks and so many bypasses, that I don’t remember the exact number. My mother has high blood pressure (as does my father), and both of my uncles have pacemakers. So, me being the paranoid ginger I am, hit up Google. Did you know that one of the symptoms is weakness/tingling in the left arm and leg? Yep, you can fact check me. So whenever this feeling hits, my first thought is “oh-god-it’s-a-heart-attack-call-the-doctor”. Obviously, it’s never been a heart attack. I thought maybe I was having several mini-strokes that go unnoticed, however to have this many and still be kicking without any side-effects is impossible.

So, I Googled my symptoms, not the diseases. It turns out that there’s a whole group of people who have the same problem!  All of the threads I read had been from people with the exact same symptoms I had, to varying degrees, and they had been to see various doctors. What did they find? It was anxiety.

Anxiety. FUCKING ANXIETY. It had crept up on me once again. I thought I was past it. I knew I suffered from social anxiety. Have you ever seen me in a social situation? Yeah, neither have I. I avoid them at all costs, especially if I have to go it alone. I physically cannot go to a party with more than five people. And it’s not a party with five people. Hanging out casually with more than four of five people causes me distress. But I had been dealing with this. I got over it and have been doing remarkably well (I chalk up a lot of my success with coping to living in a dorm. It’s a nonstop social interaction and there’s really no way around it). But general anxiety? I had never thought about it. Do I really suffer from full on anxiety?

As an introvert, it shouldn’t surprise me. Before I sat down to write this out, I thought that there was nothing for me to be anxious/stressed over…until I wrote a list.

In the past week, my mother has been diagnosed with celiac disease, my dog had to go to the vet for a yearly check-up (this may seem trivial, but he had to have a vaccination, which caused him to have a severe allergic reaction last time, he gets stressed because…dude, it’s the vet, and he may have diabetes), my pup’s test results won’t be in for 24 hours, I’ve been attempting to lose weight but have yet to see progress (even though I know it’s only been a week) and just today, a man I look up to, Charles Trippy, had another seizure after having a brain tumor removed over a year ago. That was more than I realized. I have plenty to be anxious about.

It still bugs me, however. It’s natural to feel anxious when there’s that much on your plate. There are people who have ten times that to deal with, and here I am worrying myself to death. Each person has a different plate. Some plates are only saucers and others are buffet sized. Never feel bad because you feel like your troubles are petty or insignificant. A worry is a worry, and you should never, NEVER feel bad for being worried. It’s not your fault.

There’s going to be that person who says to just get over it. Don’t listen to them. Anxiety, hell any disease albeit mental or physical, is not something to “just get over”.

                Getting over depression isn’t as simple as pretending to be happy to make

                yourself happy.

                Getting over anxiety isn’t as simple as not worrying.

                Getting over being an introvert, isn’t as simple as not being shy.

                Getting over a heart attack isn’t as simple as eating healthy.

                BUT NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE IS AS SIMPLE AS OPENING YOUR MIND AND

                KEEPING YOUR UNINFORMED OPINION TO YOURSELF.

It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to worry. It’s okay that it hurts. John Green , in his book Paper Towns, wrote “…it hurt because it mattered”. And that’s more than true.

Never apologize for how you feel. A friend who tells you to get over it is not a friend. I am so incredibly blessed to have a family and group of friends who understand and support me. Remember, if you ever need anything my email is open (check the contact option on the left) and my Tumblr ask-box is open as well (click the word 'Curious' to ask. I have anonymous turned off so I have the ability to keep conversations private).

We’ll make it together.

Over the next few weeks, I'll be doing posts about mental health and the resources available to everyone.

Forever Halloween: A Review

I haven't written an actual, legitimate album review before. I have never really felt the need to. It's usually just a quick "hey this is fantastic go buy it you can thank me later here is a list of other artists they sort of sound like" at the end of another post, but I couldn't stop myself from writing a sort-of-review for The Maine's new album, Forever Halloween.

The new album feels very personal. It threw me off at first, because I try not to snoop on a band's personal life. If they want me to know something personal, they'll let me know some how. This is their way of doing that. I was really worried. I knew before I ever got the album in my hands that it would be personal from reading various interviews the group has done recently. Shedding your skin, being personal with your audience can backfire, and it really worried me. After their last album, Pioneer, broke free how could anything else compare? It's kind of like thinking you know someone and the one day they break down this wall that you had felt but never seen and you see this other side of them.

Official Website
Check below for an interview, where to buy, and tour dates!

It will put a lot of people off, but it will also bring in a lot of new people. There isn't a single song that didn't hit me in the feels. The song "Fucked Up Kids" struck me more than the others. It describes me so perfectly, and no other song by any other artist has ever done that.
Even if you don't connect with the lyrics, the melodies, drum beats, and guitar riffs will snag you and drag you down into the depths. The last full minute of the album's title track had me with my hands in the air like I was praising Jesus in a holy roller, Southern baptist church.

Of course it's being compared to their previous albums and I'm not the only one who was concerned. Many fans have said it's good but it just didn't WOW them like Pioneer and some feel like The Maine has reverted back to their Black & White days. I beg to differ.

• First, no other album will WOW you like Pioneer did. They will never be in that situation again. It got a lot of attention because they had just broken away from their record label, it was their first album that was really on their own, and people were curious. That situation fueled a lot of the angst behind the album and helped prove it's place in the rock world. This album WOWs in other ways (this album was recorded live, on tape. No one does that anymore, WHY ARE YOU NOT IN AWE?!).
• Second, this isn't the power pop record Black & White felt like. This album puts out a distinct vibe, not unlike their other songs but different enough to know they're growing up. It feels very...alternative? I could feel influences like Ryan Adams and Brenden Benson (who helped with the recording process) flow through.

But in order for some people to love it, other must hate it and the criticism will tumble forth from the interwebs. But most of all, The Maine seems happy with this album. They seem happy with and proud of what they have produced, and that's something to pay attention to. That's like dumping the whole jar of rainbow sprinkles on my ice cream cake. 

It shows that they're still growing and that's the best thing of an artist. Maybe they don't quite know who they are yet, but that isn't something to hold against them. I have yet to meet a single person, of any age, who knows who they are. I've met a lot of pretenders, but never someone who could, at the end of the day, say who they were with confidence. They are human and this record shows us that. 

They have delivered unto us a record worth our money, our pleasure, and our soul. 

The Maine has done an incredible job and, personally, I can't thank them enough for this album. 

Alter the Press! Interview with The Maine front man, John O'Callaghan

Preview and Download Forever Halloween on iTunes!

On Tour Now with: A Rocket to the Moon, This Century, and Brighten!

Now Playing

                I love finding new music. I love rediscovering old favorites. I’m always a little afraid when I listen to new artists. I’m really afraid that they’re going to suck and I just don’t want to find out. I love promoting bands (I do it all the time, for free, even though I know a lot of people aren’t going to take my recommendations). Once, I talked about the band This Century for nearly a month straight before I finally got someone I know to listen to them. She told me that “I talk about them way too much for them to suck” so she gave them a listen. They then followed us both on Twitter and I fangirled like you wouldn’t believe.

                Music is my thing. So is food. If there’s a job where I get to promote music and cook food all the time, let me know because I have the best qualifications around. I can’t create music yet, but I sure can listen to it. I listen to the classics, The Eagles, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, George Jones, Johnny Cash, my list keeps going but you get the idea. But I also love finding new things. I have a “sticky note” (the one that PC’s come with on the screen) that I keep up 24/7 so I can add a new artist and I have a note in my iPhone specifically for music.

                You’re probably in need of some summer tunes, so here’s a list of all my favorites so far this summer.  Some of them are long standing favorites and some are new discoveries, but they’re making their rounds every single day.

Matt Hires

Wilhelm Tell Me

Frightened Rabbit

Surrogate

Ryan Adams

Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors

Local Natives

Lydia

Fall Out Boy

Pocono

A Day To Remember

The Raconteurs

The Chain Gang of 1974

As the summer goes on, I’ll rotate my list out. There’s tons of new music coming out as well! Never Shout Never previewed a new song from their upcoming album on Property of Zack and We The Kings is climbing the charts with their two new singles.

What are you playing this summer?

Summer Reading

Now, before you go off on me and complain that no one should be forced into summer reading let me explain you a thing. Books do things. Let’s start with fiction. Fiction books become not-so-fiction-y and become real places. They create worlds that anyone, young or old, can escape to because reality is pretty gruesome. They offer adventure and fun and magic and drama. The books that could be real with their people and scenarios set in our own little world offer potential answers to some of our greatest questions. The stories with completely imagined worlds and people and creatures do the same, while showing us what it means to spin a tale.

                Then there’s the non-fiction section. Knowledge is everywhere! You can learn about anything you imagine! From psychology, anatomy, and medicine to mechanics, and physics and chemistry; it’s all available. Ever wanted to know the difference between a llama and an alpaca? Or why some recipes use baking soda instead of baking powder? Has your mind ever wandered about why some goats climb trees and how in the world they actually get into the tree? I bet you’ve even wanted to own your own micro-brewery. Good news for you, there’s books on all of that and more.

                But my main reason for summer reading is that it’s the only time I get to choose what to read. In late August through early May, I’m forced to read this or that for class. Some of the books I’ve been forced into were great and some of them missed the buy-back date because they just needed to be on my shelf. But I still needed the freedom to get lost in a book that I chose, to get from it’s pages what I wanted from it, what it was meant to teach me. I’ve had to pick apart countless books for classes, and at some point I stop trying because I know it’s not what my professors want. So I start twisting the book to meet their guidelines and bullshit my way through a ten page paper that I couldn’t care less about.  When I read over the summer, I notice that it’s a happier time. I can mark in the pages (with a pencil, no highlighters) and dog-ear the pages if I want with no worries of the lady at the book store giving me the “you have to pay for that” stare.

                I’ve also noticed over my twenty years of life, that I feel more creative after I read. I have deeper thoughts, more creative ideas, and more questions that make me wonder about our world. There’s so much I don’t know and books offer a way to discover them. I had been moping around during the first week of my summer break because I just didn’t feel creative. I had lost that spark of imagination that I always relied on. Then, I read a book I had purchased over the weekend and it made me think. I have a notebook with me all the time and I started writing my thoughts, ideas, and questions down again. Books do great things.

                Some people give me that “well, I’m not a good reader”, but if you would read you could become a great reader! It’s not about how fast you read or what you read, it’s about the people in the books. It’s about their stories and their lives and their worlds and what you take away from it is what matters. It may take you six hours or six months to finish a book, the important thing is to just finish.

To make your life easier, I’ve made a list below of what I’m reading this summer with links to where you can find them. If you don’t already, get a library card. It’s amazing what that little card gives you access too. It’s better than money.

Looking for Alaska, John Green

Drinking With Strangers, Butch Walker

A Map of the World, Jane Hamilton

How We Believe, Michael Shermer

Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace

The Fault in Our Stars, John Green

The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux

Under the Dome, Stephen King

World Made By Hand, James Howard Kunstler

                Not sure where to start? Do what I do: wander around the library or bookstore. Something will be sure to catch your eye! Ask friends for suggestions or hit up your favorite search engine and look for “ultimate reading lists”. You can even start with the classics! Whatever strikes your fancy! I would tell you to not judge a book by its cover, but that’s how I found a lot of good books!