Tired.

Good hello my dear!

I hope you're well! I am tired. Last week was our first week back at school (and the beginning of my LAST semester) and while it wasn't that holy crap I need a nap kind of busy, it was still rough going from lazing around reading and knitting all day to working Tuesdays and Thursdays and sitting through hours of lecture the rest of the week.

But don't think I didn't read. Oh, I read. I didn't read NYPD Red, like I had promised. I got through the first page and just didn't care. So I read The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins instead.

Now, I have read them before, but I'm still counting it towards my 50 book goal (it fulfills the "trilogy" category on my list). If you have seen the movies and loved them, then you will fawn over the books. It has been so long since I've really loved a series, and I can't recommend this one enough. I love Finnick Odair with all of my being, more than Peeta Mellark (a close second) and maybe even more than I love zucchini tacos.

This week, I'm working on Fahrenheit 451 (I read it once ages ago in high school, but I also slept through 50% of that class so it doesn't count), while I also work through Mere Christianity (C.S. Lewis) for class.

I'm taking a class on C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tokein- so there will be lots of myth and interesting philosophy tossed about here and there. Be prepared.

A little knitting announcement will come soon, as soon as the yarn comes in.

Things to look out for:

• yarn dyeing tutorial
• Little Bean knitting 
• Hunger Games review
• Fahrenheit 451 review
• semester ramblings

I apologize for this lazy post today. More will happen soon! Promise!

All the best,

M

***

Now Playing:

American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy

Something's Gotta Give - All Time Low

On Wittgenstein, Jr.

Good hello my dear! 

I hope you've been well this last week. I've been having some sort of reaction to something- which is the vaguest way possible to say "I feel like shit but have no idea why". I'll chalk it up to anxiety over the new semester starting and call it a day. Soon I'll have finished my Doctor Who scarf, so be on the look out for that within the next week or so. 

BUT I DO HAVE A REVIEW. I finished Wittgenstein Jr. and it was a fantastic choice for the new year. It's quite a book, and I can say whole heartedly that I loved it. As the summary says, we watch as Peters and his cohort try to understand their philosophy professor, who is, without a doubt, a new Wittgenstein. Perhaps calling him Wittgenstein-reincarnate is more accurate. It is a coming of age story in which a handful of Cambridge boys realize they have no idea what the real world will be like and have an inane need to impress their professor. Characters come and go, we get glimpses of their lives together just as though we were Cambridge students as well. Secondly, however, it's a modern retelling of Wittgenstein's first stint as a Cambridge professor. The loss of his brother, his realization that his original work (the Tracatus Logico-Philisophicus) was wrong, and his need  to set it right. Wittgenstein's philosophy is woven in every page, through phrases spoken, actions lived, and the plentiful one-way conversations in class (and I would be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely delighted every time I caught it). 

  I found it difficult to pick up, but near impossible to put down (which only happened when I had to drive as I read mostly in the car). I giggled a lot, but I wouldn't classify it as  a comedy in any sense. The humor I found came directly from Peters, our main character, and his friends- all of whom are incredibly pretentious and entirely Cambridge. Their humor is definitely British- witty and brash, the kind of humor that strikes you with a bit of disbelief and you repeat whatever had you giggling because you keep thinking about it. 


The apparently excessive italics annoyed me for a while, but it just took a bit of training to read them without emphasis and by the end, it was easy to read along putting emphasis on the rights ones and ignoring the others. The words that Iyers chose to italicize don't initially seem to have a reason, however with most words (not all of them, but definitely most) I found that they were from various parts of Wittgenstein's philosophy. A lot of people seem to have trouble with all the italics as there are quite a lot, but it's worth the hassle. 

Another common complaint is the relationship that forms in the fourth quarter of the book. It is hinted at early on, and while many call it unrealistic or forced, I don't find it to be either. It follows relationships of ancient Greek philosophers and their pupils, and is representative of what many presume Wittgenstein had. Without saying too much as to cause a spoiler, I found that the relationship could be entirely plausible (based on being a college student and having friends in a variety of disciplines) and it wasn't forced. I know that quite a lot of readers are tired of having romance thrown into books, but they'll just have to get over it. Some sort of relationship, whether platonic, romantic, or some combination there of will be in any book- and it was a part of Wittgenstein's life and had a place here. 

I think I enjoyed this book so much for a variety of reasons, so here's a bullet-point list: 

• I love Wittgenstein. I suffered through a semester of reading the TLP, the Philosophical Investigations, and many ridiculous conversations (and one very concerning movie) about the private Wittgenstein, and during that time I found what I was looking for. 
• I love philosophy. I mean, I'm a philosophy major with a concentration in religion. I'm down for trying anything that combines fiction and philosophy. 
• My humor is weird. I laugh at the kid who tripped just as hard as I laugh at exaggerated recreations of philosopher's death scenes, so I giggled through this whole book. 
• My friends are a lot like Peters and Company. These pages felt like home, like I was back in PAR 393 studying Wittgenstein again. 

I don't think you need a background in philosophy or Wittgenstein to read this, but I think to understand it well and to really enjoy it, you would need a base knowledge of Wittgenstein (maybe a few Wikipedia articles before hand). 

Next Up: NYPD Red by James Patterson and Marshall Karp. I used to love James Patterson- his Women's Murder Club series was just about all I read during the early high school years (because hell yeah I want women being badasses and solving murders), but I fell out after that. This book will be a test- do I like Patterson or do I fall in with the lower reviews?

Stay safe, stay warm. 

2015. Sorry. Again.

Well, I think we can all agree that I absolutely suck at this whole blog thing. 

I hope that 2014 left you healthy and happy, as it did for me. I also hope that 2015 brings you all that you strive for and you prosper in all that you attempt. 

My main resolution is the old, "do no harm but take no shit". I strive to be kinder, more giving, and more honest in the new year, but I also refuse to back down from adversity and revolution. There is a lot happening in the world and I will be on the side of equality. 

Additionally, I have set the goal to finish all projects before starting a new one and to read more. I read for school, but I have lost my love for reading for fun. Maybe lost is not quite the word, as I still love to read however when faced with the decision of reading or knitting, I always choose knitting (which comes along with Netflix or a good Harry Potter marathon). 

To help with the reading, I pledged to read 50 books in 2015 over on Goodreads and I'm using the Popsugar Reading Challenge to pick those books!

I'll add my books to Goodreads as I choose them and will update the status as I finish. The Goodreads challenge is based on number, which all well and good, but Goodreads doesn't know me very well. When faced with choosing what to read, I get nervous and then usually don't pick a book at all in fear of choosing the wrong one. That's where the Popsugar Challenge comes in. They have listed 50 individual criteria for which books you should read. For example, "a book from your childhood" and "a book you were supposed to read in school but didn't". I still have lots of options for each criteria, but not so many that I can't make a hard decision. 

To begin, I'm reading Wittgenstein, JR by Lars Iyer. It will fulfill either the "a book by an author you've never read before" or the "a book set in a different country" category, depending on how I feel about it later. 

Why Wittgenstein, Jr? 
Well. Because I had a love affair with Wittgenstein and I wasn't quite ready to let go. As part of my final set of required classes, I had to take PAR 393, whose subject changes depending on the professor. I got stuck studying Ludwig Wittgenstein, a philosopher who I was certain to hate. But after a lot of work and 6-hour study groups, I walked away with a B+ and favorite philosopher. When you become a philosophy/religion major, you always hear that "you'll find that one class that just changes everything for you". I'm getting ready to graduate and just now found that one class. So why not read a book about a young group of students at Cambridge University who aim to impress their newest lecturer (nicknamed Wittgenstein Jr for his remarkable likeness in attitude and thought to the one true Ludwig) with a single, noble thought. 

Perfect. 

As I read, I will update here with reviews and new books. I also aim to put my crafts and thoughts here, as well life updates. I graduate on May 9th, if all goes well, and after that who knows! But when I know, you'll know. 

If you so choose, you can follow me on
Goodreads
Tumblr
Instagram

All the best to you and yours. 

***
Now Playing: 
Hozier
Drew Holcombe & The Neighbors
Ryan Adams

Well, I'm Sorry.

I meant to update this blog more often. I really did! I had plans! It was going to be great!


And then, The Man got me down. Work, school, a major project that turned out to be pretty great, and general life got really busy.


But I have a few moments now to catch you up on a few things:

1. I'm a senior! Starting in late August I will be in my senior year of college! Still a philosophy major, still ginger. I'm so stoked to be this close to finishing!
2. I'm an editor. This year I undertook, along with a friend, being co-editor of my university's undergraduate philosophy journal, The Gadfly. Now, don't take this journal to seriously. We're a journal of satire and social criticism- so we're trying to make you angry as well as prove a point and get a few laughs in.
3. I'm knitting! I'm super slow at it, but it's going. My scarf is longer than expected but holy snot balls, batman- I am tired of the stockinette stitch.
4. I'm an almost grown-up! This summer I'm working as an AmeriCorps Summer Associate! I'm working towards ending poverty and increasing food security in my area. Bonus: I get to garden every week. It's fabulous.
5. I am still really tired. I get plenty of sleep, but somehow it's just never enough. Maybe I should have listened to my professor when talked about how you can't "catch up" on sleep. Oh well.
6. I have no idea what my future will be. Grad school eventually, but that's all I've got. Before graduate studies, however, I have a lot of stuff I want to accomplish. I have so much to do before I settle down for forever.

That's all I have for now! Thanks for checking in and keeping up.


later alligator.  


-----
Now Playing:
Clouded - This Wild Life
Classic - MKTO
This World Won't Last Forever, But Tonight We Can Pretend - Matt Hires

Resolutions

Ah, New Year's resolutions.
I make them. I break them. I forget about them. Then it starts all over. Such a vicious cycle. But alas! This year I will stick to them! This last semester was my roughest. It was also my most successful. I learned so much about myself through my toughest class. It was titled "Self, Society, and the Good Life". Everything I wrote, thought, or said was challenged. It was intense. I walked away with a better view of who I was, where I wanted to go in life, and how to get there.

So that's what this year is all about. The cliche "new year, new me". But instead of creating a new me, I'm cultivating the me that is here now. My goals this year are simple and focus around one word, meraki.

Meraki is a Greek word and doesn't directly translate to English, but is used to describe doing something with creativity, soul, or love. Putting yourself into whatever it is you do, whether it's picking out new curtains or creating a business plan. No more half-assing life. Fully, completely engaged and active in every aspect of life both boring and exciting and giving a small part of you to everything.

I have three goals altogether to help me live the meraki life: health, knowledge, kindness.

Health 
I come from a long line of health problems and it's time I tackle them. I'm currently healthy according to doctor charts that don't make any sense to me, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm 35 and not 21. My year long goal is to lose 50 pounds. But that number is just a number. What I really want  is to be able to keep up with my brother when we run the lake, to wear shorts in the summer without giving it a second thought, and to know that I (probably) won't be taking the same medications my parents are taking now.

Knowledge
Knowledge comes in all forms and I love learning. I hate studying, but I love learning. I'm surrounded by opportunities to learn but haven't taken advantage of them. I'm close to a city full of museums and festivals to visit with friends. I have a stack of books waiting to be devoured. This year will be filled with learning new skills (knitting), finishing old lists (all those boos), and discovering new things (day trips). It's also time I actually learn something in college, instead of just regurgitating phrases for an exam.

Kindness
I'm a nice person. I do the volunteering and the donating and I help people when they ask. But I discovered the Random Acts organization. They're an organization dedicated to making the world a better place, one random act of kindness at a time. This year, I'll be following suit. I don't have any big things planned. I don't think I'll be organizing any huge act of kindness but there will be little things. Leaving thank you notes to my boss, picking up around the house, sending fun mail to my best friend, letters to my sister in Indiana, buying coffee for the next person in line. Little things that might make someone else's day a little better.

And that's all I have. I'm already a good person, but I want to be better. There's so much life to live, so much world to explore and I think it's finally time I get at it.

***
Now Playing:
The Decemberists
Transit
Anarbor 

Christmas Crafting: THE MASTER POST

Holy Tinsel, Batman. 
My fingers ache from all the crafting I've done. And there are still a few to finish up. But here is the big overview of everything I made for my family and friends! 

**Note: this post is best enjoyed while wearing jammies and/or wrapped in squishy blankets with a warm cuppa somethin' in your non-dominant hand**



My twin loves school supplies. Her room is 90% notebooks and pens and 10% bed. I promise you that is not an exaggeration. So it was only appropriate that she receive a composition notebook lap blanket! 

(sorry there's no bedding. I was mid-clean when I thought it would be a good time to play photographer)

Then there was my sister's blanket, which I'm calling the "Indiana Winter Lap blanket". I used somewhere around 110 squares, but I had originally intended to use about twice that number. Unfortunately I ran out of time (I was sewing this bad boy on Christmas day, and by "I was sewing" I mean my mom got to use her new sewing machine). I absolutely hate sewing all the squares together. 

There are three squares types. Your typical granny square (four rounds), a v-stitch square (I modified it to suit my needs) and a ridge square (double crochet in back loops only). Slip stitch those little dudes together and you have yourself a blanket! I added a picot stitch edge (not pictured) and a yellow/white chevron fabric to the back. 

I will never again add a fabric backing to a crochet project. Nope, never. I read several tutorials and we tried our best (thanks, Ma) but I just don't have the sewing skillz. Which means the real reason I got a plaque for "excellence in apparel development" was because I was the only one who didn't make our teacher cry. 




This last blanket is my favorite. In fact, I'm knitting one for myself. Because my new year's craft resolution is to learn how to knit better and I'm a Whovian SO WHY NOT?! This blanket is for my sister and her boyfriend, both of whom are massive Whovians as well. 
  

 

I used this fabulous website to find the colors and I tried to follow their pattern so the rows would accurately reflect that of the infamous scarf, but It just didn't work out. It's still easily recognizable for the classic Whovians. I made it a bit too wide for my tastes, but they loved it. It's a nice little throw for their couch. I didn't follow a pattern, but it's just double crocheted until I ran out of yarn. 

And my final sibling needs something. My favorite (and only) brother drinks a lot of coffee, tea, and other hot beverages of choice. He also loves Star Wars like I love Harry Potter. It's only fitting that I outfit him with the most badass coffee mugs this side of the Empire. 

Boba Fett never looked better. I washed them after this was taken (just to see if the tutorial was right and that my sharpie would not wash off) so naturally the sharpie washed off. I redid them and they came out a lot cleaner the second time round. He was so happy with them!  I also picked out manly tea (including smoke-jumper ginger) to fill them. Sharpie-Mug tip: use a fine-point, oil-based Sharpie for clean lines. If the Sharpie is old, get a new one so you don't end up going over the same lines again and again. 

Muh big bro has requested a mini Boba Fett and I have agreed because I need a reason to make more tiny things. 

I also completed my first commission this season! I hate doing commissions so this will be the last one for quite a while. But hey, now my friend's friend has a rockin' mini-Ozzy Osbourne. 

He was made using the same pattern as The Maine Dolls I made over the summer. The glasses are made from painted and hole-punched Ziploc bag, a twist-tie I found in our drawer, and clear glue. The necklace and safety-eyes were found on Etsy.

And the final craft of the season, beanies. I made each of my best friends a beanie using this pattern. I used Caron Simply soft, and each hat took about half a skein (I am ALL about that two hats for the price of one deal). It actually fits my head, so it's a bit big (I have a large noggin, don't judge). They each got a book along with it (Hyperbole and a Half's new book for Paige and John Green's Looking for Alaska for Amanda).

                                                                                        

                     

  I still have to find something for my niece seeing as hers was probably the worst thing I have ever created. I attempted to make one of those "outline your state in glitter and put it on a canvas" things that were all over Pinterest, but it just didn't work out. I should stick to yarn and coffee mugs. After that, however, it's all about what I wanna make! 

Imma ice my hands while you refill your mug. We'll meet back here after the new year and we'll march on into the wilderness! 

and by wilderness, I mean life. and by life, I mean the internet. 

 **to see how my crafting is getting on, follow me on Ravelry and to see what inspires me, follow me on tumblr!**

***

Now Playing: 

 Sempiternal- Bring Me The Horizon

 Common Courtesy- A Day To Remember

 Your Favorite Weapon- Brand New

Deepest Apologies,

My dears, I extend to you my deepest apologies. 
Twas never my intent to be away for so very long. 
My soul has been bought by a higher power who has done nothing by eat away at my hope and sense of wonder. 
I embarked on a journey with a friend who has since left me alone on a quest for satire and judgement. 
I have explored the readings of Dostoevsky far more than I ever believed possible, all the while my stock of pizza rolls has slowly withered away. 

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and with it comes a time no college student accepts with dignity. 
Tis hell week. 
The week that we sleep in library cubicles, cry in dormitory showers, and waste away in the psycholoigcal services center. 
In the coming days I shall write over 20 pages about subjects I once cared about, things I once believed in. 
I shall take exams that do not, in fact, measure my intelligence but my ability to memorize. 
And I shall just hope that it is enough to receive a mark worthy of the higher power's approval. 
Then, and only then, my dearest shall I be able to sleep peacefully and full embrace the season that is upon us. 

If I do not survive, I leave to you everything I have held dear in the hopes that you do not fall victim to the Man.
Except for my Fall Out Boy albums. Those bitches are going in the ground with me. 

***

SURPRISE!

I've been doing stuff; stuff in Atlanta, stuff in Asheboro, stuff in Asheville. I like cities that start with the letter 'A' apparently. But all that's to come later. Right now, the important thing that Monday (July 29th) was my best friends birthday. It's important to note that I love celebrating other people's birthday (I don't like my own birthday just because people tend to notice you more and no thanks. BUT I'm a twin so I get to push it all off on her). So this week we're having a small get together thing and doing the party stuffs. BUT OH MY GOD WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I MADE HER FOR HER BIRTHDAY. 

I have this habit of being crafty but not wanting to keep anything I make. Once it's finished (if it gets finished) I'm kinda just like, "yeah. cool. what do I do with it?" and then it ends up as a Christmas present. So when I had the idea to make what's in these little boxes, I knew exactly who to give it to. 

Wanna know what's inside? Of course you do. But first you have to guess because it's no fun if I just give you all the answers. So here are your hints: 

     They are the approximate size of the spine of the seventh Harry Potter book. 

     There are five of them. 

     The come with select accessories that correspond directly. 

     My best friend's favorite band is The Maine.

If you didn't get it on that last hint then you need to rethink your guessing abilities. BECAUSE LOOK IT'S THE MAINE AND THEY ARE TINY.

                                        

I've had to keep these a secret for over a month and now I get to rub them in people's faces. I AM SO EXCITED. The first thing my nephew asked me was if they were voodoo dolls. I mean, technically yes, but I'm not priestess or anything so I think the guys are safe. 

They didn't turn out 100% like I had planned and there are definite changes I'll make if I ever make them again. I say if because dude, these took a solid month to make and it was the most frustrating month of my life. I cry when I get frustrated and I cried over Jared Monaco's hair for at least three hours. If I had had more time, I would have made actual clothes for them. Currently they're sporting a t-shirt and 'denim' vest because I swear on my vinyl collection that these guys all just shop at the same damn store. 

 












This is Garrett! He's the bass player and I'm forcing him to play a blue American Vintage Jazz bass from Fender. The glasses were made to be a charm for a necklace or bracelet, but they fit his face nicely. I've also never made facial hair before so this was a decent attempt. 

 





Here's Jared, one of the guitar players! He's playing a 'surf green' Fender 50's classic Stratocaster if you were wondering. His hair looks pretty good for doing it twice and being covered in tears. 

  Lead vocals and frontman, John O'Callaghan! He wears this little Amish hat that people tend to hate, so I made it too. Don't hate on the hat, peeps. Hats are good things. Amish are good people. Amish hats are therefore pretty nifty. This hat is a little too small for his head, but that my dears is why gauge is important and should not be ignored. Don't be like me. Pay attention and don't watch Game of Thrones while you craft. 
 

Pat Kirch, drummer of your dreams. Those drumsticks are a toothpick that I broke in half and forced through his hands, kind of like in the Best Day Ever episode of Spongebob (Squidward and the jellyfishing net. anybody?). Pat's my favorite out of all of these miniatures. He was the first one I made and he has a little trouble sitting up on his own, but that's okay. His hair's a little shorter than I planned, but at least now I know that I should definitely not become a hair dresser. 

And finally, here's Kennedy Brock who does vocals and plays guitar!
















 He was the first one I attempted the short hair with. I wish I had more time to mess with it, but alas! birthday's wait for no one. He's playing a Gibson Les Paul Studio Faded that has stripes because somebody is running out of ink and doesn't feel like installing a new cartridge. 


All in all, I feel like these guys are adorable and my friend loves them! They aren't perfect, but they were handmade and I think that's what counts. I need to give a huge thanks to overthebifrost for creating the pattern and allowing everyone to use it for free and to customize it however they want and a BIG HUG to mynerdcloset for answering all my questions and being ridiculously helpful and patient with all my messages about amigurumi hair. The eyes are Suncatcher brand and were bought from Michelle on Etsy! 

***
The Maine just finished up the 8123 tour, but will be back out this fall with Anberlin! You can download their new album, Forever Halloween, on iTunes or from their official website! 

***
Now Playing:
just a buncha stuffs from
Panic! At The Disco
Hands Like Houses
Secrets
The Eagles
STYX

Keep it crafty 

Music Monday: FALL OUT BOY.

{I'm still working on those posts about mental health, but the amount of information I'm wading through is extensive. Article after article is full of information and some of it is from not-so-reliable sources. It's taking me longer than I thought, but I promise they'll be here soon.}

I've been absent due to travels. After our short stay in South Carolina, we headed north to Indiana to see my beautiful sister, her grill-master boyfriend and their adorable-as-fuck puppy. While seeing them was AMAZING, it wasn't quite as good as seeing Fall Out Boy live in Indianapolis.

The energy was astounding. I've been to my fair share of concerts, but I had never been to a concert this intense. We were next to an incredibly nice couple in their late thirties or early forties. They were bikers and I was scared until he started talking to my twin sister, and I realized he was probably one of the nicest people there. So, I head banged with a forty year old biker to Fall Out Boy.

About a quarter of the way through their set, however, my sister started to feel dizzy. We rushed her out of the main room and into the hall where she could sit. The staff was incredibly fast at getting her water and the girl working the merch table came to check on her. We remained here until the end of the show, and it was just as incredible out in the hall. We could actually see too! {and, if you're wondering, my sister's doing fine! she was just a little dehydrated. we're making plans to keep her hydrated for our next concert in Atlanta}

With concerts, comes new music (usually). This time, we had the pleasure of listening to The Unlikely Candidates.
Admittedly, I was concerned. Sometimes, the opening bands are barely better than me (and I sound like a slightly on-key seal). But these guys surprised me. Their rendition of House of the Rising Sun was the best cover I've ever heard. After arriving home, I bought the only two songs they have on iTunes, Howl and Follow My Feet. If you have a spare $1.99, spring for their EP and I promise you, it will be the best two dollars you've ever spent.

There's been a lot of talk about FOB's new album, and when I say "talk" I really mean hate. The most common complaint I hear is that they aren't "saving rock and roll". While they may not, technically, be rock and roll, I think it's important to realize that they are, in fact, doing something for music. For once, turning on the radio hasn't been dull. To know that a band I love with abandon is actually on the radio is amazing. They have raised the bar for other artists in all genres because no one is paying attention. Fall Out Boy is being played on every station short of the country stations.

The next complaint is that it's not the old Fall Out Boy. Well, of course not. In four years do you expect them to stay the same? I'm not the same person I was in sixth grade when I started listening to them and they have done their fair amount of growing up as well. Their new album has a new sound, but if it didn't I would be severely disappointed. This goes for all bands. All bands are allowed to be human. They are allowed to grow and experiment and change as individuals and as a band. How boring would it be if a band produced songs that sounded the same album after album? Sure, Taylor Swift sells a lot of albums but it's not compelling and exciting as it was on her first album.

Please, keep an open mind when listening to new music. If I hadn't I would not listen to half the music I listen to today and I like to think that I've been a better person for it. Open minds are wonderful things.

I'm laying low until July 13th, when I head to Atlanta with two of my sisters and my best friend to see the 8123 Tour at The Loft, featuring The Maine, Brighten, A Rocket To The Moon, and This Century.

Love & Good Tunes

***
Current Favorite Albums:
Peace & Quiet - Brighten
Follow My Feet - The Unlikely Candidates
Post-Heroic - Surrogate
Forever Halloween - The Maine
Prepare For Black And Blue - The White Buffalo

Kind Words from a Gentle Heart

I have this friend named Julie. She's one of my best friends and I think you would like her, most people do. 

We went to high school together and were acquaintances. We traveled in the same group, but never got to know each other. At the end of our senior year, she asked me to be her roommate (we were going to the same university) but I had already made plans to room with my at-the-time best friend, Lauren. We agreed to hang out every once in a while so we wouldn't be completely lonely. 

After we both had horrendous, awful, up-at-two-in-the-morning-crying roommate experiences, Julie found herself in need of a roommate and I found myself in need of a place to go. So I became her new roommate freshman year. She'll be in my wedding party when I finally find my man. 

Julie has a habit of saying incredibly nice things about people. She doesn't do it to be nice, she just speaks honestly and it some how has a habit of affecting you more than you think. 

We were at lunch one day, and a song came on in the restaurant and I began to sing. Now, I have the voice of a slightly on-key seal on a good day. I joked about my ability and she said, in all seriousness, "But you sing anyway. You know how you sound and other people tell you how bad you are at singing, but you sing anyway. And that's incredible. That shows more about you than anything else". 

See. Incredibly honest, profound, and just Julie. 

I never forgot that. It's been nearly two years since those words were said to me and I'm sure she has no memory of saying them. It's become my mantra, "Sing Anyway". In so many instances in life, we are told that we don't have what it takes or that we aren't worth the effort. And that's bullshit. Because we are worth it. We are worth every bit of time and effort. We have what it takes to do whatever it is we want to do. There will always be the person behind you saying you can't, but they're behind you. They're scared of what you can do so they put you down. Despite what they say, keep singing. Keep going forward. This is your life and this is your one shot. 

Those words also serve as a reminder to be gentle. Words have a way of sticking and what you say has an impact. Hate culture is so strong and it breaks my heart. How hard is it to simply promote what you love and simply let go of what you do not? Why do we find that so much harder? 

This month, try to only focus on what you love. If  you don't like that YouTube video, don't watch it again and leave the comments alone. If you don't like that drawing, keep scrolling and let it slip your mind. If you love that song, turn it up and tweet it. If you love that book, read it again and recommend it to a friend. 

And if you're being put down, just keep singing. Being who you are is far more important than what people say. 

***
Fun Fact: When the Ellen DeGeneres Show puts videos on YouTube, the only enable comments on clips of adults. Clips of kids and children have comments disabled to protect them from the harsh words of society. How awesome is that?

Anxiety

Do you ever feel weak? Do you ever feel like one side of your body just isn’t responding the way it should, although it does everything you need to? Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, floating in the wind?

But, seriously. I’ve noticed over the past few years that every once in a while, I’ll get this feeling. I’ll feel like my left arm and left leg are week and can’t do things, although, physically they perform just fine. I have that feeling right now and my typing is relatively unhindered. Sometimes I would wear a jacket and it would go away. Sometimes only a nap helped. It’s been a long time since that feeling had invaded, but today it came back, and it scared me.

There’s a history of heart disease in my family. My father has suffered two heart attacks and so many bypasses, that I don’t remember the exact number. My mother has high blood pressure (as does my father), and both of my uncles have pacemakers. So, me being the paranoid ginger I am, hit up Google. Did you know that one of the symptoms is weakness/tingling in the left arm and leg? Yep, you can fact check me. So whenever this feeling hits, my first thought is “oh-god-it’s-a-heart-attack-call-the-doctor”. Obviously, it’s never been a heart attack. I thought maybe I was having several mini-strokes that go unnoticed, however to have this many and still be kicking without any side-effects is impossible.

So, I Googled my symptoms, not the diseases. It turns out that there’s a whole group of people who have the same problem!  All of the threads I read had been from people with the exact same symptoms I had, to varying degrees, and they had been to see various doctors. What did they find? It was anxiety.

Anxiety. FUCKING ANXIETY. It had crept up on me once again. I thought I was past it. I knew I suffered from social anxiety. Have you ever seen me in a social situation? Yeah, neither have I. I avoid them at all costs, especially if I have to go it alone. I physically cannot go to a party with more than five people. And it’s not a party with five people. Hanging out casually with more than four of five people causes me distress. But I had been dealing with this. I got over it and have been doing remarkably well (I chalk up a lot of my success with coping to living in a dorm. It’s a nonstop social interaction and there’s really no way around it). But general anxiety? I had never thought about it. Do I really suffer from full on anxiety?

As an introvert, it shouldn’t surprise me. Before I sat down to write this out, I thought that there was nothing for me to be anxious/stressed over…until I wrote a list.

In the past week, my mother has been diagnosed with celiac disease, my dog had to go to the vet for a yearly check-up (this may seem trivial, but he had to have a vaccination, which caused him to have a severe allergic reaction last time, he gets stressed because…dude, it’s the vet, and he may have diabetes), my pup’s test results won’t be in for 24 hours, I’ve been attempting to lose weight but have yet to see progress (even though I know it’s only been a week) and just today, a man I look up to, Charles Trippy, had another seizure after having a brain tumor removed over a year ago. That was more than I realized. I have plenty to be anxious about.

It still bugs me, however. It’s natural to feel anxious when there’s that much on your plate. There are people who have ten times that to deal with, and here I am worrying myself to death. Each person has a different plate. Some plates are only saucers and others are buffet sized. Never feel bad because you feel like your troubles are petty or insignificant. A worry is a worry, and you should never, NEVER feel bad for being worried. It’s not your fault.

There’s going to be that person who says to just get over it. Don’t listen to them. Anxiety, hell any disease albeit mental or physical, is not something to “just get over”.

                Getting over depression isn’t as simple as pretending to be happy to make

                yourself happy.

                Getting over anxiety isn’t as simple as not worrying.

                Getting over being an introvert, isn’t as simple as not being shy.

                Getting over a heart attack isn’t as simple as eating healthy.

                BUT NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE IS AS SIMPLE AS OPENING YOUR MIND AND

                KEEPING YOUR UNINFORMED OPINION TO YOURSELF.

It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to worry. It’s okay that it hurts. John Green , in his book Paper Towns, wrote “…it hurt because it mattered”. And that’s more than true.

Never apologize for how you feel. A friend who tells you to get over it is not a friend. I am so incredibly blessed to have a family and group of friends who understand and support me. Remember, if you ever need anything my email is open (check the contact option on the left) and my Tumblr ask-box is open as well (click the word 'Curious' to ask. I have anonymous turned off so I have the ability to keep conversations private).

We’ll make it together.

Over the next few weeks, I'll be doing posts about mental health and the resources available to everyone.

Forever Halloween: A Review

I haven't written an actual, legitimate album review before. I have never really felt the need to. It's usually just a quick "hey this is fantastic go buy it you can thank me later here is a list of other artists they sort of sound like" at the end of another post, but I couldn't stop myself from writing a sort-of-review for The Maine's new album, Forever Halloween.

The new album feels very personal. It threw me off at first, because I try not to snoop on a band's personal life. If they want me to know something personal, they'll let me know some how. This is their way of doing that. I was really worried. I knew before I ever got the album in my hands that it would be personal from reading various interviews the group has done recently. Shedding your skin, being personal with your audience can backfire, and it really worried me. After their last album, Pioneer, broke free how could anything else compare? It's kind of like thinking you know someone and the one day they break down this wall that you had felt but never seen and you see this other side of them.

Official Website
Check below for an interview, where to buy, and tour dates!

It will put a lot of people off, but it will also bring in a lot of new people. There isn't a single song that didn't hit me in the feels. The song "Fucked Up Kids" struck me more than the others. It describes me so perfectly, and no other song by any other artist has ever done that.
Even if you don't connect with the lyrics, the melodies, drum beats, and guitar riffs will snag you and drag you down into the depths. The last full minute of the album's title track had me with my hands in the air like I was praising Jesus in a holy roller, Southern baptist church.

Of course it's being compared to their previous albums and I'm not the only one who was concerned. Many fans have said it's good but it just didn't WOW them like Pioneer and some feel like The Maine has reverted back to their Black & White days. I beg to differ.

• First, no other album will WOW you like Pioneer did. They will never be in that situation again. It got a lot of attention because they had just broken away from their record label, it was their first album that was really on their own, and people were curious. That situation fueled a lot of the angst behind the album and helped prove it's place in the rock world. This album WOWs in other ways (this album was recorded live, on tape. No one does that anymore, WHY ARE YOU NOT IN AWE?!).
• Second, this isn't the power pop record Black & White felt like. This album puts out a distinct vibe, not unlike their other songs but different enough to know they're growing up. It feels very...alternative? I could feel influences like Ryan Adams and Brenden Benson (who helped with the recording process) flow through.

But in order for some people to love it, other must hate it and the criticism will tumble forth from the interwebs. But most of all, The Maine seems happy with this album. They seem happy with and proud of what they have produced, and that's something to pay attention to. That's like dumping the whole jar of rainbow sprinkles on my ice cream cake. 

It shows that they're still growing and that's the best thing of an artist. Maybe they don't quite know who they are yet, but that isn't something to hold against them. I have yet to meet a single person, of any age, who knows who they are. I've met a lot of pretenders, but never someone who could, at the end of the day, say who they were with confidence. They are human and this record shows us that. 

They have delivered unto us a record worth our money, our pleasure, and our soul. 

The Maine has done an incredible job and, personally, I can't thank them enough for this album. 

Alter the Press! Interview with The Maine front man, John O'Callaghan

Preview and Download Forever Halloween on iTunes!

On Tour Now with: A Rocket to the Moon, This Century, and Brighten!

Now Playing

                I love finding new music. I love rediscovering old favorites. I’m always a little afraid when I listen to new artists. I’m really afraid that they’re going to suck and I just don’t want to find out. I love promoting bands (I do it all the time, for free, even though I know a lot of people aren’t going to take my recommendations). Once, I talked about the band This Century for nearly a month straight before I finally got someone I know to listen to them. She told me that “I talk about them way too much for them to suck” so she gave them a listen. They then followed us both on Twitter and I fangirled like you wouldn’t believe.

                Music is my thing. So is food. If there’s a job where I get to promote music and cook food all the time, let me know because I have the best qualifications around. I can’t create music yet, but I sure can listen to it. I listen to the classics, The Eagles, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, George Jones, Johnny Cash, my list keeps going but you get the idea. But I also love finding new things. I have a “sticky note” (the one that PC’s come with on the screen) that I keep up 24/7 so I can add a new artist and I have a note in my iPhone specifically for music.

                You’re probably in need of some summer tunes, so here’s a list of all my favorites so far this summer.  Some of them are long standing favorites and some are new discoveries, but they’re making their rounds every single day.

Matt Hires

Wilhelm Tell Me

Frightened Rabbit

Surrogate

Ryan Adams

Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors

Local Natives

Lydia

Fall Out Boy

Pocono

A Day To Remember

The Raconteurs

The Chain Gang of 1974

As the summer goes on, I’ll rotate my list out. There’s tons of new music coming out as well! Never Shout Never previewed a new song from their upcoming album on Property of Zack and We The Kings is climbing the charts with their two new singles.

What are you playing this summer?

Summer Reading

Now, before you go off on me and complain that no one should be forced into summer reading let me explain you a thing. Books do things. Let’s start with fiction. Fiction books become not-so-fiction-y and become real places. They create worlds that anyone, young or old, can escape to because reality is pretty gruesome. They offer adventure and fun and magic and drama. The books that could be real with their people and scenarios set in our own little world offer potential answers to some of our greatest questions. The stories with completely imagined worlds and people and creatures do the same, while showing us what it means to spin a tale.

                Then there’s the non-fiction section. Knowledge is everywhere! You can learn about anything you imagine! From psychology, anatomy, and medicine to mechanics, and physics and chemistry; it’s all available. Ever wanted to know the difference between a llama and an alpaca? Or why some recipes use baking soda instead of baking powder? Has your mind ever wandered about why some goats climb trees and how in the world they actually get into the tree? I bet you’ve even wanted to own your own micro-brewery. Good news for you, there’s books on all of that and more.

                But my main reason for summer reading is that it’s the only time I get to choose what to read. In late August through early May, I’m forced to read this or that for class. Some of the books I’ve been forced into were great and some of them missed the buy-back date because they just needed to be on my shelf. But I still needed the freedom to get lost in a book that I chose, to get from it’s pages what I wanted from it, what it was meant to teach me. I’ve had to pick apart countless books for classes, and at some point I stop trying because I know it’s not what my professors want. So I start twisting the book to meet their guidelines and bullshit my way through a ten page paper that I couldn’t care less about.  When I read over the summer, I notice that it’s a happier time. I can mark in the pages (with a pencil, no highlighters) and dog-ear the pages if I want with no worries of the lady at the book store giving me the “you have to pay for that” stare.

                I’ve also noticed over my twenty years of life, that I feel more creative after I read. I have deeper thoughts, more creative ideas, and more questions that make me wonder about our world. There’s so much I don’t know and books offer a way to discover them. I had been moping around during the first week of my summer break because I just didn’t feel creative. I had lost that spark of imagination that I always relied on. Then, I read a book I had purchased over the weekend and it made me think. I have a notebook with me all the time and I started writing my thoughts, ideas, and questions down again. Books do great things.

                Some people give me that “well, I’m not a good reader”, but if you would read you could become a great reader! It’s not about how fast you read or what you read, it’s about the people in the books. It’s about their stories and their lives and their worlds and what you take away from it is what matters. It may take you six hours or six months to finish a book, the important thing is to just finish.

To make your life easier, I’ve made a list below of what I’m reading this summer with links to where you can find them. If you don’t already, get a library card. It’s amazing what that little card gives you access too. It’s better than money.

Looking for Alaska, John Green

Drinking With Strangers, Butch Walker

A Map of the World, Jane Hamilton

How We Believe, Michael Shermer

Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace

The Fault in Our Stars, John Green

The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux

Under the Dome, Stephen King

World Made By Hand, James Howard Kunstler

                Not sure where to start? Do what I do: wander around the library or bookstore. Something will be sure to catch your eye! Ask friends for suggestions or hit up your favorite search engine and look for “ultimate reading lists”. You can even start with the classics! Whatever strikes your fancy! I would tell you to not judge a book by its cover, but that’s how I found a lot of good books!