Well, I'm Sorry.

I meant to update this blog more often. I really did! I had plans! It was going to be great!


And then, The Man got me down. Work, school, a major project that turned out to be pretty great, and general life got really busy.


But I have a few moments now to catch you up on a few things:

1. I'm a senior! Starting in late August I will be in my senior year of college! Still a philosophy major, still ginger. I'm so stoked to be this close to finishing!
2. I'm an editor. This year I undertook, along with a friend, being co-editor of my university's undergraduate philosophy journal, The Gadfly. Now, don't take this journal to seriously. We're a journal of satire and social criticism- so we're trying to make you angry as well as prove a point and get a few laughs in.
3. I'm knitting! I'm super slow at it, but it's going. My scarf is longer than expected but holy snot balls, batman- I am tired of the stockinette stitch.
4. I'm an almost grown-up! This summer I'm working as an AmeriCorps Summer Associate! I'm working towards ending poverty and increasing food security in my area. Bonus: I get to garden every week. It's fabulous.
5. I am still really tired. I get plenty of sleep, but somehow it's just never enough. Maybe I should have listened to my professor when talked about how you can't "catch up" on sleep. Oh well.
6. I have no idea what my future will be. Grad school eventually, but that's all I've got. Before graduate studies, however, I have a lot of stuff I want to accomplish. I have so much to do before I settle down for forever.

That's all I have for now! Thanks for checking in and keeping up.


later alligator.  


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Now Playing:
Clouded - This Wild Life
Classic - MKTO
This World Won't Last Forever, But Tonight We Can Pretend - Matt Hires

Kind Words from a Gentle Heart

I have this friend named Julie. She's one of my best friends and I think you would like her, most people do. 

We went to high school together and were acquaintances. We traveled in the same group, but never got to know each other. At the end of our senior year, she asked me to be her roommate (we were going to the same university) but I had already made plans to room with my at-the-time best friend, Lauren. We agreed to hang out every once in a while so we wouldn't be completely lonely. 

After we both had horrendous, awful, up-at-two-in-the-morning-crying roommate experiences, Julie found herself in need of a roommate and I found myself in need of a place to go. So I became her new roommate freshman year. She'll be in my wedding party when I finally find my man. 

Julie has a habit of saying incredibly nice things about people. She doesn't do it to be nice, she just speaks honestly and it some how has a habit of affecting you more than you think. 

We were at lunch one day, and a song came on in the restaurant and I began to sing. Now, I have the voice of a slightly on-key seal on a good day. I joked about my ability and she said, in all seriousness, "But you sing anyway. You know how you sound and other people tell you how bad you are at singing, but you sing anyway. And that's incredible. That shows more about you than anything else". 

See. Incredibly honest, profound, and just Julie. 

I never forgot that. It's been nearly two years since those words were said to me and I'm sure she has no memory of saying them. It's become my mantra, "Sing Anyway". In so many instances in life, we are told that we don't have what it takes or that we aren't worth the effort. And that's bullshit. Because we are worth it. We are worth every bit of time and effort. We have what it takes to do whatever it is we want to do. There will always be the person behind you saying you can't, but they're behind you. They're scared of what you can do so they put you down. Despite what they say, keep singing. Keep going forward. This is your life and this is your one shot. 

Those words also serve as a reminder to be gentle. Words have a way of sticking and what you say has an impact. Hate culture is so strong and it breaks my heart. How hard is it to simply promote what you love and simply let go of what you do not? Why do we find that so much harder? 

This month, try to only focus on what you love. If  you don't like that YouTube video, don't watch it again and leave the comments alone. If you don't like that drawing, keep scrolling and let it slip your mind. If you love that song, turn it up and tweet it. If you love that book, read it again and recommend it to a friend. 

And if you're being put down, just keep singing. Being who you are is far more important than what people say. 

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Fun Fact: When the Ellen DeGeneres Show puts videos on YouTube, the only enable comments on clips of adults. Clips of kids and children have comments disabled to protect them from the harsh words of society. How awesome is that?

Take Control

I think that at some point, we all realize that it’s time to take control of our own lives.

This is your life. Why should you not be happy? There will always be times when it sucks. That’s life. Life wouldn’t be as miraculous and as wonderful as it is if we didn’t suffer at some point. You have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. As corny (and horrible of a metaphor) as that is, it’s true. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take control.

I am tired of being in the passenger seat. My fortune cookies are even telling me that (truth. My fortune cookie from Panda Express said that I was now in the driver’s seat of my life, and we all know how legit those are).

I am tired of trying to be the good girl; the one who is always there to help and listen, the one people call when they need help. Some people use me. I know that, I’m not blind. I always thought “at least they knew they could rely on you”, but I’ve reached the point to where I don’t care anymore. I may be reliable, but if you aren’t going to be there for me then give me one good reason why I should be there for you.

I’m two weeks away from my second year of college ending and I have made some wonderful friends. In fact, I can’t name a single person that I’ve befriended that I wouldn’t want at my funeral. It’s the old friends that seem to never change that I’m going to have to let go.

Fall Out Boy said it best when they said “Sometimes before it gets better/the darkness gets bigger/the person you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger”.

It sucks when you finally come to that realization. When it finally hits you, at first you’re kind of like “oh. Um, no?” and then, as it sinks in you accept it and it makes sense. After a while, once the process gets going, it’s freeing. It’s really a good thing.

That’s just my social life. I’ve decided that I’m also taking control of my health.

I’m not unhealthy, in fact my doctor says I’m doing well. I’m the wrong height for my weight (yay for being 4’11”), and that’s what I’m taking control of. I want to look adorable in the cute clothes I find on Pinterest. I’m proud of who I am, now I want the outside to reflect the inside. It sounds vain, but that’s alright. I’m not concerned about what other’s think. 

Remember To Turn On The Light

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as an “adult”, it’s that bad news is everywhere.

Humans are horrible. Everywhere we look there are people murdering, robbing, assaulting, and raping other people.  Innocent children are being abducted. Elderly are battling identify theft from the young.

We can’t even buy gifts online without fear of our credit card numbers being stolen.

I have plans to see a concert in Atlanta, Georgia this summer but my parents were so worried about the evils that I would face down there that I’m being forced to have another adult with me, even though I’m going to be 21.

It’s depressing.

This week alone we have faced bombs, shootings, factory explosions and that’s not including the ongoing problems in the Middle East, or the flooding in the Midwest United States.

It’s been roughly four months since the Newtown tragedy. CISPA has passed in the U.S. House of Representatives and gun laws are still out of reach. With all of this going on, it’s like the apocalypse has come early.

It’s hard to find hope, but it’s there.

and if praying isn't your thing, send thoughts and good vibes

Think of the men and women who responded instantly. Instead of running away when those two bombs went off in Boston, first responders (even regular civilians) ran towards them to help and start aiding. Marathon runners ran straight on to the hospital to donate blood.

Hopeless Records is auctioning items to raise money for the Boston victims.

Numerous people are trying to change laws to stop another tragedy like Newtown.

Then there are your everyday acts of kindness. There’s the kid who held the door for me today, even though it was pouring out. The husband and wife team I met who are battling deforestation in the Congo. Even the bands who give away free songs, just to make their fans happy.

There’s even a nonprofit organization dedicated to acts of kindness. Fittingly, it’s called The Random Acts Organization, and it is headed by actor Misha Collins.

There’s also a news organization dedicated to happy news, to show that there really is some good out there. 

The important thing is to remember that the good far outweighs the bad. For every human who does something unforgivable, there are 100 more who are bringing hope and happiness. We, the good guys, will always win. Always.  

Here are the links to the happiest news you'll find and the organization dedicated to being kind.

The Good News Network

The Random Act

Introverted.

Being an introvert is tough.

 It’s not the same as being antisocial, having social anxiety, or being awkward. All of those do, however, play some part.

Being an introvert is not being shy, either. Too often, I see people who are shy or quieter saying “I’m an introvert”, and the internet is full of the “OMG, I’m just awkward *giggle*”. It paints quiet a bad image for people who are true introverts.

You’re welcome to Google what exactly an introvert is, however I will warn you that it’s not all true (this is the internet, after all).

It was only until recently that I realized I was an introvert.

I hang out with my friends and family. I have long conversations with good people. I love to laugh and have fun and go enjoy this glorious world we’ve been blessed with.

                I don’t speak unless I have had a chance to really think about what it is I’m saying.

                I don’t meet the eyes of whoever I’m talking to if we have never met before.

                It takes a lot of self-talk for me to actually go into a social situation.

                It took me years to build the group of friends I have.

                After a few hours, I feel the need to be alone or at home with people I know.

                I try to avoid groups of 5 or more.

                I occasionally feel both physically and mentally exhausted after social situations.

As you can tell, being an introvert can create quite the laundry list of problems. I’m in my second year of college and have made few new friends (although the ones I have made are the best!) because of the way we change schedules every semester. I’m occasionally deemed a snob/jerk/bitch because I am perceived to be stuck up because I don’t talk. In middle school, I was so worried about making friends that I had an anxiety attack nearly every Sunday and Monday night. 

quote

So I took a class to change. It’s a “reticent” communications class (instead of the regular, mandatory communications class) and is geared towards people like me. I have learned a lot, but I realized I don’t want to change. I'll finish the class because my university forces me to, but I think I'll disregard what I'm taught. 

My friends and family are perfectly okay with me being an introvert. They all know how I am and if I need time alone, they let me have it. They all understand.

It’s the rest of the world that’s a problem.

In a society of extroverts, us introverts are run over. There are some great, powerful minds out there filled with wonderful new ideas and solutions but we might not ever know because an extrovert is being loud and their personality landed them the job instead. If you remember my project, you might have noticed that it hasn’t started yet. That’s because I’m an introvert. I’m too nervous and scared to just start talking to someone. I have part two planned out and ready to launch, but I feel like I can’t start until part one is on its way.

Part of my reasoning for starting this blog was to give me a voice.

Of course, I have a voice. I can speak and I do enjoy speaking. Ask anyone in my circle: I’m obnoxious as hell. But because it takes me so long to actually warm up enough to speak, I’ve become a great listener. People latch onto that. They bring me their stories and their problems and I listen. I give advice if they want it. I become a (short-term) therapist. But when I need someone to tell my stories to, I don’t know where to turn.

Every time I attempt to be heard, someone listens… and then they turn it around and begin to talk about themselves. (There are exceptions, like my best friend Amanda. She is without a doubt my best friend and probably understands me more than anyone. We can go weeks without talking, and pick up where we left off like it was just yesterday.)

So this blog is my voice.

I have changed the tagline of my blog and have listed below a few things I think everyone should give a good look at. 

Maybe we'll be an internet support group. Maybe we'll be so loud, the world will hear us. 

Or maybe we'll just be friends. 

10 Myths About Introverts - I identify with and agree with everything presented here. I can't explain how I felt when I read this. 

The Power of Introverts-Susan Cain- Susan Cain gave a TED Talk on this very subject and, I don't know if TED Talks are still a thing but this is worth the time to watch. She hits on a lot of points that we all, introverts and extroverts alike, should keep in mind.